You can't call me Dougie

When I was young(er), I always thought I would be a cool mom. Not driving around in my minivan, listening to music that was cool when I was in high school. Well, I have not stupped that low. I drive a pacifica, NOT a minivan. But I definitely have caught myself with a few "uncool" blunders. "What is with kids these days, no respect!" "Turn that music down!" "Why are you up so late, it's 10p.m.!!" I used to be trendy... I used to dress cute. Have the latest hair styles, the cutest shoes ( lots and lots of shoes). I used to buy a different outfit for every dang occasion that came into play. To show you how uncool I actually am... today Kerri (my coworker) and I had to google what "Dougie" ment. It means "swagger". That swagger song that came out last summer... I didn't even know what swagger ment. Sooooo uncool. And the one thing that has sucked my coolness right out of me; Motherhood. And the newest trend I just don't understand...
Feathers in your hair... why would you want to put feathers in your hair? That just doesn't make sense to me. And as I say that I hear my mother, "Why would you want to wear jeans with holes in them? When I was in school we would have been embarrassed to have holes in our jeans."

I use to be cute... wear trendy clothes, have the latest hair styles...

This is me now.... ugh... don't make me look any longer. However, I will give myself a LITTLE credit. This was only one month after wee little Casen was born.

Let me warn the premothers, of what will happen to your mindset post baby.

Pre-baby determining factors to wardrobe

1. Is this stylish?

2. Will someone say, "You look cute"?

3. Does it make my butt look good?

4. Does it fit the occasion?

5. Have I wore it within the past 6 months? (if the answer is yes, it's been worn in public to soon to resubmit)

6. Does my stomach look flat?

7. Does my hair have the "wow" factor?
Post-baby determining factors to wardrobe
1. Does it hide my butts? (We will use plural, because it is definitely too large to be classified as one)

2. Um... this shows my collarbones... DEFINITELY too low cut. Because the baby will hold onto my shirt and pull it down. Then who knows what is going to be falling out of it. (I say who knows what, because your not going to recognized the two things that once set on your chest known as assets. Be as hopeful as you like--- it's a hopeless situation for the girls)
3. Is it an absorbent and fast drying material? Lets face it, puke, poop, or pee (or a combination of the three) WILL be on your person. You need it to dry as soon as possible, it will lessen the embarrassment. If your clothes are stained, they will know the smell is coming from you.

4. The question will no longer be "Is this trendy" rather "Is this too out of date".

5. Does this shirt hide my stomach?

6. Do those pants have elastic? (If the answer is no, your likelihood of wearing them is slim).

7. Hairstyles: Hairstyles will no longer be selected due to cuteness, or the latest trend. You will try your hardest to hide the roots... past that, no promises will be made. As far as cut, if it doesn't fit into a ponytail, it's not the cut for you.

Not to sound negative, mothering is a beautiful thing... YOU just aren't quite the princess you used to be.